Ten Second Breakdown

It's been ten days.

First, why hasn't he called? Emailed, text messaged. Sometimes this new world of technology is a hinder because I know deep inside that there is no excuse because there are sooo many ways he can get ahold of me. It is impossible to NOT get ahold of me.

Second, I don't think I've ever felt this mix of emotions before. Hurt. Dissappointment. Resentment. Stubborn pride. Nostalgia. Every part of me wants to hold on, be optimistic, hope for the better, but then it isn't every part of me, because there is a part of me that wishes the rest of me could let go. I was cleaning out my closets yesterday and I found all these old notes from different guys, telling me how wonderful they think I am. Like Kamal did a few weeks ago, the banter of "you're beautiful, you're intelligent, you're amazing." If all these guys think/thought that about me, why do I hold on to the one guy who, right now, doesn't think that at all? Or let's say he does, why doesn't he tell me? Why doesn't he call???? Why?

I think that was more than ten seconds of a breakdown, but if we were back at XU I would be sitting in Em's room's bucket seat whining about this right now.

Ahh... tell me some happy stories ladies. I need a smile.